As I sit at Hearth Café in Sunabe, Okinawa and eat breakfast by myself, I don’t mind I am by myself.  Today’s breakfast was the substitute to my evening walks I usually take by myself to reflect on my life and day.  The breeze was blowing and it was cool against my skin.  Surfers were out at sea long before I showed up at 9:00 am and on lookers were sitting on the seawall enjoying the view and the cooler weather as our fall slowly creeps its way on the island.  I am happily oblivious to much else besides my iPhone and the Plants vs. Zombies game I purchased until my food comes out.  Japan and Okinawa are about fresh, portion sized meals that look beautiful to the eyes and tasty to the tongue.  My food gets all of my attention.  As I take a bite of my yogurt topped with mango, for a brief second, I can see you there, smiling at me.  For that brief second, over in an instant, you are mine and no one else’s and we are happy.  No past, no present, no future, just two people.  No emotions or extreme feelings or passion and love, just the connection that two people have when they have walked this earth together, and have seen things both good and bad.  Since I was alone I could smile and laugh to myself, and no one could see or judge.  The café was the set of my movie, my day dream, played, designed for me alone.

           Last night I dreamed of my family and friends.  The leaves were on the ground, all brown and orange, with little left on the trees.  My best friend Jennell and I were in a house, it was supposed to be her’s and we were getting ready to go out for the day.  We weren’t driving though, we walked, and we weren’t going to the mall, which was strange.  On our walk we run in to my friend Ryan, where Ryan and I proceed to spar with each other.  I think both of us think we are Street Fighter characters.  We talk and we laugh and talk about our mutual friends and after seeing my friends the Jeff and discussing life overseas, that dream comes to an end.  I was then sleeping beside Mark and when he had to leave for his duties I went to my mother’s room.   We cuddled, talked, laughed, spoke to Mark on Skype.  In my dreams of her, it’s amazing.  We know our moments are stolen.  As I write, tiny tears of joy start to fill my eyes.  We talk about all we can; we do all we can do while we still have each other.  We talk about events and I always talk about how much I miss her.  I told her I loved her skin and the way it smells as I snuggled against her neck with my arms wrapped around her.  We ate a cheesy chicken fondue dish, but she didn’t tell me how she made it.  In my dreams her voice is as clear as a bell and in my dreams she is mine and no one else’s.  She comes to me and it’s as if I am still a teenager or in my early 20’s and we are each other’s world.  Even when I got married I suppose she still was mine and the same for her when she was remarried.  In my dream Mark was perceived by me as cold during our Skype conversation, and I resented him for this, intent on giving him a piece of my mind when I spoke to him next.  After all, it’s rare when we all get together now, rare because it’s in my dreams alone.  I remember though how it was when Mom came for her last trip to see us.  Mark took us around and showed Mom the time of her life.  She loved it, I loved it, and we were both so grateful.  It means so much more now as that was the last time I had my husband and my mother together.  The last time we’d be together as a family.

      I enjoy my day dreams and dreams.  I don’t compete, I am who I am and that person is perfect.  She is funny, she is pretty, she is positive, she is friendly, she is confident, and she is all the things I am or could be if the world didn’t get in the way.  She is a child, she is a woman, she doesn’t hear "you are good enough", she hears, “you ARE enough.”