As I sit at Hearth Café in Sunabe, Okinawa and eat breakfast by myself, I don’t mind I am by myself.  Today’s breakfast was the substitute to my evening walks I usually take by myself to reflect on my life and day.  The breeze was blowing and it was cool against my skin.  Surfers were out at sea long before I showed up at 9:00 am and on lookers were sitting on the seawall enjoying the view and the cooler weather as our fall slowly creeps its way on the island.  I am happily oblivious to much else besides my iPhone and the Plants vs. Zombies game I purchased until my food comes out.  Japan and Okinawa are about fresh, portion sized meals that look beautiful to the eyes and tasty to the tongue.  My food gets all of my attention.  As I take a bite of my yogurt topped with mango, for a brief second, I can see you there, smiling at me.  For that brief second, over in an instant, you are mine and no one else’s and we are happy.  No past, no present, no future, just two people.  No emotions or extreme feelings or passion and love, just the connection that two people have when they have walked this earth together, and have seen things both good and bad.  Since I was alone I could smile and laugh to myself, and no one could see or judge.  The café was the set of my movie, my day dream, played, designed for me alone.

           Last night I dreamed of my family and friends.  The leaves were on the ground, all brown and orange, with little left on the trees.  My best friend Jennell and I were in a house, it was supposed to be her’s and we were getting ready to go out for the day.  We weren’t driving though, we walked, and we weren’t going to the mall, which was strange.  On our walk we run in to my friend Ryan, where Ryan and I proceed to spar with each other.  I think both of us think we are Street Fighter characters.  We talk and we laugh and talk about our mutual friends and after seeing my friends the Jeff and discussing life overseas, that dream comes to an end.  I was then sleeping beside Mark and when he had to leave for his duties I went to my mother’s room.   We cuddled, talked, laughed, spoke to Mark on Skype.  In my dreams of her, it’s amazing.  We know our moments are stolen.  As I write, tiny tears of joy start to fill my eyes.  We talk about all we can; we do all we can do while we still have each other.  We talk about events and I always talk about how much I miss her.  I told her I loved her skin and the way it smells as I snuggled against her neck with my arms wrapped around her.  We ate a cheesy chicken fondue dish, but she didn’t tell me how she made it.  In my dreams her voice is as clear as a bell and in my dreams she is mine and no one else’s.  She comes to me and it’s as if I am still a teenager or in my early 20’s and we are each other’s world.  Even when I got married I suppose she still was mine and the same for her when she was remarried.  In my dream Mark was perceived by me as cold during our Skype conversation, and I resented him for this, intent on giving him a piece of my mind when I spoke to him next.  After all, it’s rare when we all get together now, rare because it’s in my dreams alone.  I remember though how it was when Mom came for her last trip to see us.  Mark took us around and showed Mom the time of her life.  She loved it, I loved it, and we were both so grateful.  It means so much more now as that was the last time I had my husband and my mother together.  The last time we’d be together as a family.

      I enjoy my day dreams and dreams.  I don’t compete, I am who I am and that person is perfect.  She is funny, she is pretty, she is positive, she is friendly, she is confident, and she is all the things I am or could be if the world didn’t get in the way.  She is a child, she is a woman, she doesn’t hear "you are good enough", she hears, “you ARE enough.”

The Zombie Apocalypse, so many know it is coming and many of us have worked out plans already of what we would do.  My cousin Mary has plans for Wal Mart and Ihop.  I personally think the zombies will already be at Wal Mart and will stay away.  Recently you may have noticed, as I have, the zombie apocalypse survival lists, people who would be in your group, on facebook, where else?  When back at home, my friends and I lightly discussed this, my friend Danielle revealed due to diabetes she probably would only last a year.  Then I seriously thought about the future, as seriously one could ponder the future and the zombie apocalypse.  What if the people at my table during dinner were it, my survival group for the zombie Armageddon?  My legacy would die with me most likely as who could actually think of carrying on with your dinner partners?  Reason being they are usually your best of friends and the thought of….I’m just gonna leave it at that before I make myself cringe anymore.  No offense guys, you are great, total packages….for someone else.  Though I am 100% sure of my survival.  With my friend Kerra being a nurse and everyone else’s know how, I’d be safe.  As long as people would listen, Dionna, Jeff B., and myself, would keep everyone safe.  That last statement is purely racial.  Of course, this brought up the light hearted question that never really had an answer, because if my dinner party was my survival group, and Mark was in, wherever he is with no communication, how long do you wait before you move on?  Since I wouldn’t, I would probably be the one in the group that would round up the zombie virus free animals and train them to forage for needs.  What else would I do with that much time on my hands, besides being able to do yard work, farming, and heavy lifting?  Someone has to, I’d be that person.

My vivid imagination is not to be outdone by my vivid dreams.  I’m curious as to why we dream about the things we dream, why we dream about the people we dream about, the times, the places, and how much control do we actually have over them.  I often dream I can control my dreams, thanks Inception, but can one actually do that?  I mean, last time I “conjured” someone they lifted me above their head and attempted to throw me.  This would be “Inception fail”.  I seriously doubt anyone can do what those in Inception can do but it’s nice to think that way sometimes, though if this were the case I’d probably have some explaining to do if others could see them.  If I had the power to change my dreams, some people wouldn’t have reoccurring roles.  This one dream I have, always seems to have me exposed.  In a room changing and all of the sudden I am caught in my underwear.  This is going NOWHERE naughty so hear me out.  This person in my dream is not concerned at all with me and my lack of clothes, this person that I have never seen as a brother type person, always appears as such in my dreams.  Honestly, I don’t even know much about this person, I couldn’t tell you what he drives, what his favorite color is, so why him?  Out of all the people I know, why this person?  Why don’t I have many dreams about my dad?  They always stick out because they are that rare.  I dreamed last week that I had lunch with my mom and we talked business as we were driving to a Dave and Buster’s style place that Mark’s coworkers were at.  I find any dream that I talk to Mom for any long period of time, interesting.  Her voice so clear, and it’s her voice from 5 years ago, not the voice with slightly more coughing due to her last throat surgery, but in the morning, I feel I could not recall her voice from my memory.  Most importantly, the advice she gives me, is it sound, is it real, and is it a sign?  Who knows, because at one end, dreams are just your mind going on its own adventure while you are allowing your body to be still, or is God, the universe, whoever you chose to give credit to, speckled in trying to converse with you and keep you on your heart’s path?

I have had a rough couple of weeks.  Not really sure why, everything has crashed in to each other in my mind I guess.  My mom, my grandmother, my grandfather, the feelings of losing these people, not having Mark with me to just hold me when I need him to and allow myself to cry, missing my family, missing my parents, missing my girlfriends from my childhood, dealing with people being cruel to me for no reason.  Though my question is never why me, I am certainly ready for an emotional break.  I am ready for a release.  I continue to pray.  I can’t help but notice some people that complain when they have everything they need but because something isn’t going their way, because it’s not happening on their time, they whine.  This has me thinking this person has never had to deal with real life.  That is not a sad thing by any means, but are you that much of a drama queen, or king?  I have had cruel things done to me, degrading and disrespectful things, but what do I do?  I learn and I keep walking, my head held high.  Everyone is entitled to their feelings.  Everyone is entitled to feel run down, but actually be run down.  Be crawling through the true muck of your life, the sorrow, the shame, actually lose, then complain but also, look around.  See the woman that has to say good bye to her husband 6 times before not lying beside him each night for 7-8 months, see the single mother raising men, see the single father raising his children with his work ethic, see the person who has lost 3 people in the span of 8 months and 2 of them in the same week.  Look outside your window where it is really raining.  See the strength and be inspired, if you cannot, you my friend are truly lost.  We grieve, we allow ourselves to break down, but then we move on and if you have not learn this, you have more to learn.

On a super light note before I end my ranting and rambling, I have succumbed to the WoWcrack.  They say it’s hard to quit, well after having stayed away for over a year, I have come back.  Mark wanted to play again and rightly so I decided to as well.  I could not sit in front of the computer that long though…until Mark left for magic military duty sand land, now it is all I do.  My very good childhood friend Dionna has decided to play and so I show her the ropes and I am beyond loving it.  The bad thing is that like clockwork, I wake up I play World of Warcraft until about 12:00 or 1:00 pm, every day.  If Dionna stays up late, I stay on even longer.  I hate when I have to break for school and hate when I have to break for derby, I actually don’t know which I hate more.  I am not too concerned with beautiful weather, I am more concerned about learning how to play my priest effectively.  I am not concerned that I am literally living my dream of living in Japan, no I would rather level to 80 so Dionna and I can fully use these recruit a friend bonuses.  “But, Talya, life is too short to play video games.”  Am I doing what I want to do with my time, does my husband support my pursuit of happiness, yes, so no one else should be worried about what I am doing.  Though now when I go outside and the sun hits my skin I can feel my body hissing in disgust.  I have more in common with the Morlocks from The Time Machine by H.G. Wells instead of the Cullen’s from the Twilight stories, however.  Also, Mark and I went through my boudoir photos and we decided what we would let Mad Banana Photography use for promotion of her business and I was so happy with the title she gave my facebook album that she put on her page, "Confident & Carefree Beauty".  I really like that title.

The day dreams and ramblings of the peculiar, Talya M. Scott

Warning:  If you are looking for something profound, this is NOT the blog for you.  These are the day dreams and ramblings of a 30 something military housewife with too much time on her hands and a very tight grip on her imagination.

I made it home from my trip to the states, seeing some of my family and friends.  I wish it was longer, we always do.  I would love to spend time in North Carolina visiting with my cousins.  Luckily, I saw them and my wonderful sister at my grandmother’s birthday a few years back.  While at home my mom #2 introduced me to a game in which you ask your travel companions random travel questions.  It just so happens I received the question, “who would you take on your fantasy road trip?”  Well, this will probably land me in hot water because of what I said, but like I said before, this is my mindless dribble, and so I can put what I want.  Take your judgy pointer finger elsewhere because, “Honey Badger Don’t Care!”  I answer, after thinking of who I wouldn’t want to take, “Taye Diggs, Jennell (My best friend), and last but not least, Jake Gyllenhaal.”  Now, my reasons for not choosing Mark are as simple as, that is who I always take road trips with in my adult life.  All the time, we work good together, he drives, I ride and keep him awake, it’s great.  We rarely, if EVER fight on a trip; we enjoy our road trips, that is my reality, Mom asked about my fantasy.  I also went through the list of other family members I enjoy time with, my dad, been there, done that, we always have a great time and take it easy, the question asker, Shirley, we’d have a great time too, I know because again, been there, done that, but not since I was a teenager.  My sister, Nicole.  I have been on a wonderful road trip with her, even saw Grandpa as we took off towards Las Vegas from Atlanta, but again, if we are talking fantasies, let’s just go balls to the wall why don’t we, in which I quickly realized, that though I love Jennell dearly as if she were my blood, if I, Talya, am on a road trip with Taye Diggs AND Jake Gyllenhaal, I do not want Jennell there, so when I finally gave the full answer, she didn’t make the cut.  Then I proceeded to day dream of what that road trip would be like.  From Maine to California, I’d have the company of two amazingly handsome men and while Taye drove (we are on a 1^st name basis of course, I am not going to let everyone be privy to our nicknames for each other) Jake would obviously keep me company by watching movies, because the vehicle has a TV, he would massage my feet and of course the guys would switch off and while Jake drove, I would watch Taye sleep, weird, yes, but again fantasy!  I also kicked Dad's butt in Tekken and Soul Calibur...okay half and half but in my head, he got schooled.

As some could tell from my pictures on facebook, not only do I take pictures of anything and everything, I was privileged to fly business class all the way to Tokyo from Atlanta.  Business class for 13 and a ½ hours.  I was waiting in the E concourse praying for what my dad said would happen, that I would get business class.  Background to this situation, is that thanks to my father’s hard work and dealing with people’s whining for 11 years, for the rest of his life, I will have the ability to fly stand by on Delta Airlines which in turn gives me the chance of flying 1^st class and business class, depending on the flight.  Now I go too deep in to this process because one thing about Delta stand by is you never talk about Delta stand by.  I received that ticket, 4C, and when called, I promptly found my seat in which the soundtrack in my mind was playing “Mr. Sandman” without the lyrics.   Waiting on me was a blanket that covered me from head to toe, socks, slippers, noise canceling head phones along with a swag bag that had little odds and ins you may need, such as, chap stick, shoe polish, and lotion.  The leather seat itself would lie all the way down if I needed too.  I didn’t truly have a neighbor in the diagonally positioned seat as there was a little wall blocking a complete view of the goings on in my inflight cubicle.  I now had become a part of the elite, until Tokyo.  No one else had to know I was poor.  The attendant comes and asks me if I would like some orange juice or champagne.  Completely disregarding the fact I am on antibiotics, I take a slight pause and politely say, “champagne please.”  Like I was actually going to not take advantage of the fact I could score free champagne.  At least I didn’t act like a buddy passer, they are the worst.  Soak up all the free booze they can like this flight was going to be their last, I have been trained and I wasn’t trying to get loaded, that just ain’t me.  I embarrass myself not others, well not on purpose at least.  I was soon reminded I didn't matter as the pilot did not come and welcome me, cause he knew how much I paid and how much everyone else paid who was not non rev (that's another stand by term, shh)  I took a picture of every single meal I ate, whether it tasted good or not, the presentation was amazing, I had the duck for my main course.  I can only imagine being able to actually fly business class all the time.

The goodies ("Swag Bag" not pictured)

Not going to say what the duck ACTUALLY looks like, but I ate it.  Those who know me can guess what I think it looks like.

Tiramisu, crazy good.

The best meal, by far!  Chicken sausage too!

Does this picture show how amazing tired I am?   Didn't sleep hardly at all, at least I was comfortable!

I made it home safely thanks to God, Dad, Shirley, Delta, JAL, and Collette. The house was clean from my mama-san that came while I was gone and that was beyond refreshing. Of course Hercules needed attention and then again in the morning, and the afternoon, you get the theme here?  Today I talked to some friends, ordered my super sexy pictures and went on a brief walk to search for food, which ended up in failure.  Though, while on my walk, I imagined someone special was walking beside me, making me laugh, smiling at me, and holding my hand, then the brick of reality hit me in the face and reminded me this is why people think I am crazy.  They may be right, but hey, I am comfortable in my own skin.